Monday, 19 May 2014

Zombie Attack: It's Coming

Oh how they laughed when the zombie conspiracy was first mentioned but like the audience at a Seinfeld gig, nobody laughing now because the Pentagon has made plans in the event of an apocalypse brought about by an army of the undead, to 'preserve the sanctity of human life' among all the non-zombie humans.'
The country's contingency plans for a zombie onslaught emerged in from an unclassified document called 'CONOP 8888'.
The document is a detailed synopsis for battling many kinds of zombies and according to the plan the worst case scenario is a zombie attack in which zombies infect lots of human quickly leaving little time for a response.
It's not just the Americans with contingency plans for a zombie onslaught though, Britain is preparing itself also with the Ministry of Defence explaining that: 'In the event of an apocalyptic incident (e.g. zombies), any plans to rebuild and return England to its pre-attack glory would be led by the Cabinet Office, and thus any pre-planning activity would also take place there. The Ministry of Defence's role in any such event would be to provide military support to the civil authorities.
Concrete proof for the non-believers and if you are still sceptical of the dangers of the undead rising up to eat our brains (UKIP voters are safe) the Pentagon has a detailed breakdown of the types of zombies we are likely to face.  
The highest threat are pathogenic zombies that pass on infection and then evil magic zombies which are the result of occult experimentation. Space zombies are next and come from space or originate from extraterrestrial toxins such as nuclear space radiation that can convert people into zombies.
Further down the list are weaponised zombies who are bio-engineered by hostile forces and then symbiant-induced zombies who are created by parasitic life forms.
Bottom of the list and of least danger to human life are the vegetarian zombies who eat only plant life.
It's coming people, be prepared and let's hope that when the zombies turn up, they are only interested in munching on the shrubbery.

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