Special Guest Blogger: Abraham Lincoln

Although i become known as Honest Abe, the truth is i would pilfer all the White House toilet rolls, i had cupboards full of stuff with Property of the White House stamped across it, it was half the reason that i wore a big hat, perfect place to stick rolls of bog rolls which i would sell on the black market.
The other reason i wore a really tall stovepipe hat, despite being almost six and a half feet tall, was because Ismbard Kingdom Brunel wore one and i wanted a hat that i could write 'Make America Proclaim Emancipation Again' on it.
The hat did make me stand out in the crowd though which probably made John Wilkes Booth's job a lot easier, not hard to miss a 6ft 4" man sat with a chimney on his head even in a dark theatre. 
Strangely, on that night of my shooting i told Mary i didn't really want to go and see a play, 'need that like a hole in the head' i said although my joke about being like an 80s sitcom and being shot before a live audience always makes Jesus laugh, JFK not so much. 
I was always a bit of a joker although something i am serious about is the effects of excessive drinking, something which killed my mother.
You see my mother had an addiction, she would drink milk by the bucketful and despite our plea's and the funny white moustache she almost permanently wore, she carried on with the demon milk until it killed her, milk sickness the docs called it, i could never look at a cow again afterwards.
I am ever grateful for the Bill & Ted film for giving me some catchphrases, 'Be excellent to each other' and 'Party on Dudes' which is much more catchier than 'four score and seven years ago' which nobody can ever work out.
I am held up as one of the greatest President the USA ever had which is why the current President is always saying 'What would Abe Lincoln do to make America Great if he was me'.   
I have lost count of the amount of times i had replied 'go to the theater in a really tall hat' but he hasn't yet.
Anyway, Party On Dudes!! Oh, and i have 300 rolls of White House toilet paper if anybody is interested.