Special Guest Blogger: George Washington

I cannot tell a lie, well i can, but i became known for not lying which worked out well because i could swipe whatever i wanted and nobody would ever suspect me.
I was the very first President of the United States and to commemorate what a great bloke i was, i'm now on the dollar bill, have the Washington monument, the nations capital bares my name and someone carved a massive statue of my head into the side of a mountain.
The only problem i have with Mount Rushmore is that i have to share it with Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln and Theodore Roosevelt
and while i have no problem with the first two, Theodore Roosevelt never freed slaves, took on the British or authored the Declaration of Independence, he gave his name to a soft toy and set up something called the Bull Moose Party, so you can you see why i wouldn't want to be sharing a mountain side for eternity with the weirdo.
As in the 18th century we were not that far removed from our British ancestors, i did help the Brits fight against the French in North America but then decided a year or two was long enough to then be far enough removed from our British ancestry and fought alongside them against the British in the War of Independence after the whole throwing the tea into the Boston river thing.
The battle that i am most proud of was the surprise attack i made on a British Barracks at Trenton which took place at Christmas where the British had been celebrating the Festivities and were as pickled as herrings when suddenly me and 2,400 of my buddies showed up with a present for them, a dirty great cannon. 
Because most of them was drunk and were either laying passed out on the ground or sitting around with the top button of their breeches undone after one too many platefuls of sprouts, we managed one of the easiest victories of the campaign and i even managed to get a few games of charades in with the General who was dressed at Santa Claus before carting his limey ass off.
Over time we have not only made peace with the British but America has grown and has gone from strength to strength in my vision of creating a nation for all men and women, where all are created equal regardless of race and colour.
Okay, so i goofed on those last two but i am proud of the part i played in making the land of the free and the home of the brave armed with semi-automatic weapons designed for military use, God Bless America.