Special Guest Blogger: Alfred Hitchcock

Straight off the bat i want to stomp on this reputation that i seem to have got for being a misogynist. To me, men and women are all the same, we're all equal and a woman can do anything that a man can do! They can have adam's apples if they want or shop uncontrollably and if a man bled for 7 days he would die and so what if they can't drive a car for more than thirty minutes without hitting something, it's okay, we are equal.
So with that in mind, my stormy relationships with the actresses in my movies was nothing to do with me being sexist, it was because they turned me down usually because five nominations for Academy Awards and two stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame is not enough for some people.
Plenty of my movies had young, attractive blondes getting slashed, tortured or harassed, one of which was 'The Birds' with Tippi Hedren in the lead role who took my paying staff to follow her on her time off and sexually propositioning her completely the wrong way and demanded she be released from her contract with me so i would throw live birds at her during filming so all those scenes of her losing it in The Birds, she really is that scared and for good measure i made sure she never worked again by keeping her under contract for as long as her contract lasted with me by not casting her in any of my movies.
One of my most famous films was about a creepy motel owner stabbing his guests at the behest of his dead mother which upset Walt Disney so much that i was banned from filming anything within Disneyland but by then i had moved onto making the television series Alfred Hitchcock Presents but as i could no longer insert myself into my own films, thereby turning all my movies into a rollicking game of Where's Alfred Hitchcock, i did a monologue at the start instead with a silhouette which did my double chin no favours but i hated to deny my public and to show all those leading ladies what they missed out on.
I became an American citizen before i died and i was last seen being tipped my ashes from an urn and scattering them across the Ocean which no doubt upset the women because it must have made a right mess and they couldn't get the vacuum out.