After we realised that we were the two witnesses referred to in the Book Of Revelations, my girlfriend Bonnie Nettles and i took off on an 8,000 mile trip and recruited 76 believers to our cause and were just waiting for the sign that they would ascend to a higher plane of existence which as it happened, was a spaceship.
We were not a cult, members routinely left because they would rather smoke weed or have sex, or because the group's lifestyle where alcohol, drugs, and sex were forbidden just didn't click with them although eight of us did go to Mexico and paid a doctor to castrate us put a few off.
As it was the late 90s, we were at the cutting edge of technology and one of the day jobs members held was Web design, our website and emails attracted even more followers as well as insults, because internet comment sections were like that back then.
While we were waiting Nettles died of cancer despite her insistence that she would survive, being the chosen one and all that, and then i got a sign that the Hale-Bopp comet, which was approaching Earth at the time, was accompanied by a spaceship guided by Nettles, and that it was time for me and our followers to evacuate the planet by discarding our physical bodies so our souls could join the ship and ascend to the Next Level.
We rented a mansion in California, got everyone to make 'exit statements' and after including a warning against people against emulating us, because there won't be a spaceship to pick them up, we mixed barbiturates with applesauce, and washed it down with vodka and off we went to our spaceship in outer space.
We were never a strange cult, we were a religion because a cult is a group who believe in bizarre theories and superstitions, practice daft rituals and accept ridiculous restrictions on their behaviour and i provided a roadmap into heaven, just that it had plenty of routes leading to comets and UFO's first and what's ridiculous about that?
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