Special Guest Blogger: Pope Honorius III

The world is full of terrible things, things like ugly and poor people but we had it bad in the 12th Century at the time of the Inquisition, when the Catholic Church was busy beating up Jews and ripping the arms off anyone who wasn't a Catholic but in order to be a Pope you had to be a badass and i was as badass as they come.  
The Papacy you see is a rather uninteresting job and after a hard day of slobbing in the morning, followed by slobbing in the afternoon, then a bit of a snooze before the main evening's slob, i needed to fill in the long nights when i retired to my chambers between the years when something interesting happening and i was so pious that the temptations of this world were too easy for me, so i summoned demons just to challenge myself.
When the clergy no doubt thought i was busily devising new ways to bore the hell out of them, i was actually drawing pentagrams on the floor and trying to interrupt the slumber of various imps, demons and all manner of ogres, forcibly bringing them to the earthly realm and banish the demons back down to hell before they managed to break free from my flaming portal from hell and disembowel someone which must have been very frustrating for the demons but they were evil so who cares.
The problem was that such was my reputation for being a demon slayer that none actually turned up, not even Satan who i tried many times to summon but even he feared the wrath of my rosary beads.
I wrote a book about it so that any local parish priest could test himself against the denizens of the netherworld which was more successful than my attempt to recover the Holy Land from the hated Muslims.
You would have thought that by the time of the Fifth Crusade the Catholics would have got their act together but all the nations leaders i got together got halfway and had a massive fight amongst themselves and most just gave up and came home while the rest got as far as Egypt and starved to death, so altogether not a great success but as i said at the start, there's a lot of evil in this world, but there's also light and i shone a light on all the evil things just waiting to come from hell and rip your legs off, or i would have done if any had bothered to turn up, the cowards.