Special Guest Blogger: River Phoenix

Some people think the name River is a stage name but it was real, the rest of my family are called Rain, Summer, and Liberty so obviously my parents were hippies but the surname isn't my original surname, before my family changed their last names to Phoenix, it was Bottom so i was River Bottom so you see why the name changed.
We were born into a South American religious sex cult, The Children of God, and in some regards it was was very similar to fundamentalist Christians with all the praying and chanting so in some ways very similar and in others similar to totally sex crazed lunatics.The Children of God believed that whenever they were having sex, they were having it with Jesus, the young dashing Jesus, and not the risen from the dead after 3 days zombiefied version because that would just be weird.
The thinking was that all the Jesus-sex would lead to more children and the population would increase quickly, and all of these new people would be raised on a diet of Jesus themed nookie and soon enough the entire world would be run by Children of God sex addicts but nobody considered that one of the drawbacks would be that it would screw us all up, like it did me.
Some of those hippy ideals did stick though, i was a strict vegan and bought hundreds of acres of rainforest in Brazil and Costa Rica so that nobody else could touch them, allowing them to exist in peace.
My film career was on the rise that Halloween night when i collapsed and died aged 23 from a speedball of heroin and cocaine outside the Viper Room, i was due to start acting in three film and all the roles went to Leonardo DiCaprio including Titanic, and DiCaprio was one of the last people i saw before going to the Viper Room that night, not saying anything, just leaving that there.
As for my legacy, i will probably be remembered mostly for my role of Chris in Stand By Me and the meme that an anagram for RIVER PHOENIX is VIPER HEROIN X, irony sucks sometimes.