Special Guest Blogger: Neil Armstrong

On 20 July 1969, an estimated 650 million people watched the live global broadcast of me stepping out of the Apollo 11 capsule onto the Moon and saying that it was a small step for man, i actually said for a man but the 'a' bit gets forgotten much like Michael Collins who tends to be the forgotten astronaut of us famous trio, a bit like that one out of Destiny’s Child who isn't Beyonce or Kelly Rowland.
It was going to be Buzz who stepped out first but the people at NASA thought that big-headed Buzz's ego would explode so they made up an excuse that i would have to be first because the exit door was on my side and opened inward so it would be impossible for Aldrin to get out first.
After two and a half hours of bouncing around like kids at a birthday party on the moon surface, we returned to a hero's welcome and three weeks in quarantine to make sure we didn’t pick up any alien diseases, i celebrated my 39th Birthday in quarantine but then we were out to a world tour that consisted of 25 countries in 38 days, and we met with important figures like the Queen of England, the Pope, and the Emperor of Japan and 17 other countries that honored me with several awards and medals.
Buzz loved the limelight but i retired from NASA and went to teach engineering at the University of Cincinnati and moved back to Ohio and purchased a 200-acre dairy farm.
Such was my aversion to the limelight, that on my death there were talks of holdImg a state funeral for me but my family said i would hate that and i was cremated and my ashes spread in the Pacific.
Some rumours i must nail is that the moon wasn't hollow or made of cheese, i never converted to Islam and the space-pen story is bull. The reason NASA didn't like using pencils in space was because pencils in space are dangerous. If the tip breaks off in a zero-gravity environment, surrounded by sensitive instruments that are the only thing protecting you from a horrible vacuum of space death, those little pencil bits suddenly become a big problem.
Shamefully they didn't go on to do anything useful with the one small step that i took like building a city on the moon or using it as a launchpad to Mars but at some point Aliens will come visiting us and they will probably pass by the moon and there they will see the now the six former large stars and stripes we planted not billowing in the lunar breeze and which are by now large white flags which will either reassure intergalactic travelers that us humans are a lovely bunch of pacifists but if they are coming armed with intergalactic lasers to take over our planet and enslave us all then it isn't really the signal we want to send out before they arrive.