Special Guest Blogger: Rick James

Everybody needs a friend who is willing to step in and sit you down and say that we have to talk when we are doing catastrophically stupid things and my friends did that to me at my height of my indulgences, the actress Debbie Allen staged an intervention and pinned me down and pleaded that i was throwing my life away as all i do is get high, sleep and have sex and that was a moment of realisation for me and i made myself a promise that from this moment forth, i would sleep less to make more time for sex and shoving facefuls of pharmaceuticals into my body until i went deaf.
I spent the 80's doing copious amounts of cocaine and acting as a one-person stand against rehab and people would ask me did i remember the 80's?
And I say well, I certainly don't remember anything else since then but i have a vague recollection of grabbing Prince by the hair and pouring cognac down his throat until he cried like a baby but i hated that squeakly voiced little ponce.
It was getting into fights that got me into music, i moved to Canada to avoid the Vietnam draft and got into a fight there and was rescued by musicians Levon Helm and Garth Hudson, who invited me to join their band with Neil Young and we signed to Motown but the manager and i got into an argument and he told the Motown owners that i was a draft-dodger and got arrested and served a year in jail but Motown kept me on their books and so after i was released i began a career of copious drug use with the odd song thrown in, including Super-Freak or as it became known, MC Hammers 'You Cant Touch This'.
The second time i served prison time was after i held a woman hostage who stole some of my drugs and while out on parole for that kidnapping, i met with music executive Mary Sauger and for no reason other than i was out of gaud on cocaine, i took her hostage and beat her so i got two-year's in Folsom State Prison and a $1m fine.
I was beginning to think that i was going to be one of those death-defying music legends who seemed immune to the ravages of hard living but sadly, i was only mortal and i died of heart failure at the age of 56 but truth be told, i was astonished that i made it past 30.