Special Guest Blogger: Genghis Khan

Geneticists discovered that 16 million men in central Asia had nearly identical Y-chromosomes, meaning they had the same male ancestor about 800 years ago. And who was running all over central Asia killing off other men and having all the sex at about that time?
That would be me but I always like to relax after a hard day at work. And I liked to relax hard by laying waste to every village in my path and killing the men, grabbing the women and generally doing everything that comes filed under the rape and pillage heading and then get really, really drunk. So drunk that i couldn't always tell my sister from my wife which can make the breakfast table the next morning a bit uncomfortable but it was fun, not as much fun as killing Persians though.
In the early 1200s, i started conquering places and it turned out that i was really good at it and soon the Mongol empire stretched from Korea to Eastern Europe and the secret was even though we conquered entire civilizations with brute force and i would introduce myself by impaled people by way of saying hiya, i realized that to stay the ruler of a mighty empire, you have to keep the people happy and marching into a country and killing some and forcing those left to convert to some weird new religion isn't the best way to maintain power when your subjects outnumber you by the millions so i said they could keep the weirdo cult they believed in, they just had to surrender, pay me some tax and you and you won't have to watch your town burn to the ground, your fields salted and then be brutally murdered.
We did have a rule that no noble blood could be spilt on the ground, but we also really liked killing so to get around this, we came up with some loopholes such as bending backs until they snapped, pouring molten silver into their orifices and roll the victim up in a rug and trampling then him with a horse. Clean and no bloody stains on our tunics to clean up afterwards!
Altogether we killed over 40 million people (90,000 in India from which we made a pyramid of their skulls and very pretty it was to) but it was the Persians who copped it mostly and all because as a sign of good will when we decapitated our way through Asia like a mustachioed lawn mower and turned up on their doorstep, i sent a group of messengers to ask them if they wanted to open up a trade route with us and they replied by killing all but one Mongol merchant who they allowed to live so he could come back and say that the Persians had gratefully declined my offer.
After giving it some thought i decided that a reasonable, measured response was to kill as many of them as possible, so we reduced many Persians to mounds of skeletons, 90% of the population of Persia, that it didn’t return to pre-Mongol numbers until the 1900s, nearly 700 years later.
I died falling off my horse like a numpty but my burial plot remains a mystery as i had those i trusted divert a river over my final resting place, ensuring no one would disturb my eternal slumber so i am literally sleeping with the fishes.