Tuesday, 7 June 2016

Declaring War On Portsmouth

Military intelligence has always been a bit of an oxymoron, with the emphasis on the moron bit, but the Ministry of Defence has surpassed themselves by taking delivery of six shiny new type-45 destroyers which break down in warm water. 
Royal Navy's most advanced destroyers cost a billion pound each break down in the Gulf because the water is too warm leading to the Government announcing that at present the warships cannot operate if the water is warmer than it is in Portsmouth harbour.
Remarkably, the Ministry of Defence went on to insist that the vessels are safe to deploy which means that out foreign policy depends on someone first dipping a thermometer in the sea or we go to war with Portsmouth. 
I'm sure that if we try hard enough we can get Tony Blair back to make a case for Councillors stockpiling WMD's in the Gunwharf Shopping Centre or a humanitarian mission to free the people of Buckland from a tyrannical Portsmouth City Council.
Of course Pompey people may not take kindly to its Navy destroying most of it's city and killing most of them but if we explain that we are doing it for their benefit it should be okay, after all, it worked so well in Iraq, Libya and Afghanistan.

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