Don't you just hate it when you go to bed in one year and wake up propelled 30 years into the future, well that's exactly what happened to me today.
When i went to bed last night it was the 19th January 1987 and when i woke up it was 20th January 2017 and my wind up alarm clock had been replaced by something called a DAB Radio/Alarm clock and the place on the floor where i threw my Guns N Roses T-Shirt and ripped jeans last night was a neatly folded blouse, pencil skirt and sensible shoes.
The TV was now a slender, long rectangular screen and after searching for the remote control i discovered an older, fatter version of the shy, introverted tea boy i knew from the Streatham and Tooting News presenting a morning TV show and he was chattering about the New American President, his friend no less, being inaugurated today.
While checking out the window to see if flying cars or jet packs had become a reality yet (they hadn't), i saw the Commodore 64 had been replaced by a tall black box and where the shoebox of game cassettes previously sat was now a rack of shiny silver discs.
It took a while to find out how to turn the thing on and the screen confusingly flashed 'WINDOWS' and showed me a screen of small pictures instead of the 'PRESS PLAY ON TAPE' message i was used to seeing.
The Streatham and Tooting News tea boy continued wittering away in the background about something called an Obama and a Trump (did make me smile as i wondered if a trump was still another name for a fart in this strange future year) and i found that if you moved the thing shaped like a bar of soap then the arrow moved on the screen and i directed it towards the picture named Firefox Shortcut and (accidentally) clicked the button on the top which opened up something called a Google but the Google had a flashing cursor so i felt a bit more comfortable and typed in 'TV anchor Streatham and Tooting news tea boy'.
After seeing his name was Piers Morgan and feeling happy that the shy introverted boy had landed a job in TV i typed in 'US Presidential Inauguration'.
Seems since i had been asleep Ronald Reagan had been replaced by a George Bush, then a Bill Clinton, then George Bush again, then Barack Obama and now Donald Trump (snigger) was about to become President.
There were a lot of blue paragraphs on the Google which showed that judging by all the references to him grabbing pussies he obviously liked cats which was a good start and when i saw he enjoyed Tweeting regularly, well you can't hold anything against a person who does bird impressions.
The Streatham and Tooting News tea boy was showing a picture of Donald Trump shaking hands with the latest Soviet Union leader called Putin and they seemed very happy and smiley together so i guess the Cold War is over, especially as the tea-boy explained that the Russian had helped Trump become President and a bit of cooperation between previous enemies is always nice, he had even organised a peace party for him in a Moscow Hotel, i think he said peace party anyway.
I ended up reading that the Trump (snigger) had built many hotels and when he was President he said that he would build walls in America and Mexico so it's good to see that he will get his hands dirty and won't lose his building trade skills.
As is usual with these leaps, i didn't have very long in the future and before i had chance to see if a promising singer named Madonna ever went on to do anything, the flashing white light came to bring me back to 1987 but i just had time to type this out and leave it here on the WINDOWS for the 2017 version of me to read and let me know that as i understand it, the World in 2017 seems in good hands with the Pussy grabbing wall builder who enjoys a good party piss up at the helm and if he is a friend of that nice, shy and retiring Piers guy, then he must be ok.